Becoming a Father or Stepfather

Fatherhood is not pleasant to most men (American/Western and foreign alike) including myself. I just want to be with my future wife (foreign) and have kid(s) when we are both ready. Some men are ready and willing to become a father for the first time. However, most men do not want to raise or even be bothered with children who are not biologically theirs. Possible reasons are fear of failure, independence, freedom, etc. But, if any man, younger or older, wants to be with a 20-something, attractive woman (American/Western or foreign), he would have to become a father, stepfather, or both. Most foreign women especially the attractive ones, in fact, do have kids or want so; many American women probably feel the same way too. Although more American women are actually giving birth to children at later ages, they still have some characteristics that draw away good American/Western men. I cannot speak for those men. But, I do know that I prefer a pleasant foreign woman with 1-2 kids over a childless American woman who is difficult to get along. This is how I feel about a Dominican woman I met in her country last year. I like that she is different; she has good qualities I have always been seeking in a woman. I may not want to be a stepfather to her son or have biological kid(s) with her suddenly. But, I do want to marry her or some other foreign woman similar to her someday. If you (American/Western man) feel the same way I do, here are two ways that would help you become a good father/stepfather for the sake of your foreign lady:

  • Natural way
    • Teaching yourself what and how to do something (e.g. changing diapers) for the kid(s) or stepkid(s).
    • Following your instincts if you are doing something in a right or wrong way
    • Listening to what God tells you
    • Maybe comparing yourself to Adam and Eve, the first parents (of Cain, Abel, Seth, 2 more sons unknown, and 2 daughters unknown) of the world
      • What did they initially do as a mother and father for each of their 7 children?
      • Did they know how to parent when they had their firstborn child Cain?
      • Did raising or being around animals help them become good parents?
      • Who helped them become successful with parenting? God? Someone else? Or just themselves?
  • Artificial way
    • Learning and receiving help from your parents, girlfriend, professionals, other parents, etc.
    • Reading how-to books, blogs, and online articles
    • Watching videos especially on YouTube
    • Asking for help on situation(s) with your child or stepchild
    • Cooking, cleaning, etc. for your child/stepchild

Becoming a father can be a challenge; becoming a stepfather to kid(s) who is not yours is worse. I cannot teach you how to become a good father because I have never been one. In fact, I feel the same way most guys do about fatherhood. It is like taking a babysitting or a teaching job you do not want. However, you do not have a choice because you cannot find somewhere better to work. You just want to run and never go back.

If you eagerly want to be with a pretty, young woman, then you may have no choice but to give her biological kid(s), help raise hers, or do both. She is going to expect that behavior from you sooner or later. If you refuse to become a father/stepfather, you might lose her. It is not fair to her because she is young, naive, and may be interested in motherhood. For example, Nikki from “90 Day Fiance” Season 3 may want at least a single child with Mark, who is almost 40 years older than she is. He already has three kids (who are grown and older than Nikki is) from a previous marriage with another woman from the Philippines (Nikki’s native country too). I am unaware if Mark and Nikki have wed and given birth to kid(s). But, based on the online source and despite of the personal issues, they are still together as a couple fortunately. If you happen to date with a pretty woman without kid(s), then you are fortunate. In fact, there are plenty of foreign women who are childless; the same thing apply to American/Western women as well. Just do a search on or some other dating website.

Adam and Eve (the first parents of the world) – Improvement Era


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