If you are inexperienced, socially awkward, or scared to talk to others especially attractive women (caligynephobia), you are not alone. I have been dealing with this emotional weakness for most of my life. It is a painful feeling I cannot eliminate or escape. I have to accept who I am regardless what happens. I admit that I am jealous toward guys who have confidence, popularity, riches, and girlfriends/wives. Seeing everyone talking, joking, laughing, dancing, etc. just makes me want to disappear or turn into another person (who is of course the opposite of me). I cannot really bond with others socially except for my immediate family. I feel and look at my aunts, uncles, and cousins (who I see 2 times per year or less) the same way I do with acquaintances and total strangers. I do not know these people well. But, I am willing to try knowing, talking, and connecting with them. The more I do these tasks, the easier and more comfortable I should be around others socially.
I went to therapy for a couple of months. I had no success. Paying money to a professional therapist who can care less about me or my problem(s) was pointless. I eventually stopped going to therapy and started going back to church regularly. That did not last either. I was still dealing with this shyness. I did not have a chance to talk/connect with others during church service. I did not participate in church events/activities. I just went there, sat down, stood up while singing a few Christian songs, shook hands with other churchgoers, and listened to the minister preaching a Biblical lesson(s). I could had kept doing this for the rest of my life. But, was it really going to help me completely get rid of this fear of talking/connecting with other people particularly women? Would frequently going to therapy or church service help you overcome your shyness or mental issues? If not, then I give you these 6 steps that may lead you to full confidence with a stranger or a beautiful foreign woman (or women):
- Contact, investigate, and build a relationship with person(s) you are meeting and accompanying even if you go abroad. I have a blog post that relates to this.
- Contact or submit email question(s) to someone who understands your thoughts/feelings/emotions. Mark Davis from Dream Connections is a great example. An author, minister, and a coach for American/Western men, he would give you words of encouragement. He provides YouTube videos for American/Western men who are skeptical or unsure of going overseas to meet foreign women. If you do attend a quest tour to Ukraine, Thailand, or Colombia, he would assign you a translator and personal assistant who would be with you 24/7. She would help you with your needs whether she is on the clock or not.
- Wear nice clothes on your trip. It would help you build confidence right away. You would feel better about yourself. The foreign woman or women you meet/date would appreciate, show interest, and love to build a personal relationship with you.
- Continue to meet and date foreign women until you find the right one. Go on another quest tour if you have to do so. Do not give up. You have an easier chance of finding your future wife abroad than you do in the States. Once you find her, you would be able to come out of your shell. She would accept you for who you are. She would not rush, force, or pressure you to change. Take your normal and healthy relationship with her slow. Listen to Mark, your translator/personal assistant, or both because they have years of experience in international dating/marriage. In fact, he and his Ukrainian wife Anna not only create international couples but also have attended some of the weddings. The divorce rate of Dream Connections is zero.
- Regularly or occasionally communicate with your foreign girlfriend. If you are interested in two or more foreign women, do the same with them too. I highly recommend social media (e.g. Facebook or WhatsApp) as the best way of communication. All you have to do is type words on your computer, mobile phone, or both. She or they would do the same for you. Use Google Translate for translating your words from English to Spanish or so. That is what I do with a woman I met/dated in Santiago, Dominican Republic. Phone communication is difficult because of the language barrier (except for communication between an American/Western man and a filipina (woman from the Philippines)) and possibly expensive costs. If you try to email or write a letter to a foreign woman instead, you may get no response. I think that most foreign women do not own or have access to a computer anyway. But, if they own or use a mobile phone, most likely they are on Facebook.
- If you decide to tell your family, friends, etc. about your relationship with one or more foreign women, go ahead and do so. They would look and treat you differently. Your relationships with them would change forever. You do not have to suffer that social awkwardness anymore. You do not have to be as emotionally alone as you were before going to a foreign country.
Shyness or social awkwardness is a fear and a weakness. It is your mentality as well. It is like remembering something. As you learn new information, you would forget some information you already know. Your brain is compared to a hard drive because they both have limited spaces that can only hold a certain amount of information.
Unlike people in the States, foreigners would go in an utmost way to help you overcome shyness or social awkwardness. Therapists, counselors, preachers, coaches (e.g. the founders of “Art of Charm” business), etc. cannot or make you become more confident because they are individualists. However, foreigners come from collectivist cultures. They are not going to give up on you because you are shy, uncomfortable or unable to talk to them. In fact, there are some shy foreigners who have a better social life than some shy Americans/Westerners do. Foreigners believe, want, and have the ability to bond with strangers as they do with people (friends, relatives, and acquaintances) they already know. Foreigners would welcome you into their families more than your own family (or families) in America does. I say that because I feel more connected to my Colombian friend Erika than I do with my blood relatives. I can naturally be myself and open up to her about anything (positive or negative). Too bad I cannot do the same with my relatives during the holidays. It seems to be more about what they want and how they feel. I do not get this attitude from Erika or any other foreigner I met.
A shy man like you should go overseas. Even if you are still scared to talk/connect with others, at least you would feel better about yourself and meet people who truly care about you. There are not that many who do in the States. Some Americans (including your friends and family members probably) would say that they love you. But, their actions tell you they really don’t. Those people would lead you to disappointment, loneliness, rejection, other mental issues, and or even suicide. But, if your heart leads you to a foreign woman who is beautiful inside and out, you would be at a better place. You would be happier and more free to be yourself. Your life would be complete because of her presence. Your shyness would go away or would not matter to you anymore. You have replaced it with true love.